Why define it

I have two students who are brand new to New York, brand new to the English language, and brand new to what American has to offer (and take away).
"Ms. Kruse, what does L-i-f-e mean?"
"Life, repeat 'life"'
"Life. It means........?"
"Um, it's everything, it is what you do everyday...... it is breathing, living, but everyone's LIFE is described differently, lets use your French translation dictionary for this word."

Cause honestly...... I have been speaking English for about thirty years now and my definition for the word 'life' keeps changing.
No one's life can or should be compared to another. We're all living our own life and making sense of what our life means to us.
There are lives out there that I watch and think are beautiful and so meaningful, ones that inspire me to be more and do more and love more. There are ones I see and I am so thankful are not mine.

Today I am thankful for people that live life in ways that are meaningful. Thankful for people who side step society's expectations and live a life that makes sense for them, for them.
Life is a thing that has a beginning and an end. In the middle of that is when we get to make this world just a little bit brighter for being in it.

Time is so forgiving and life only makes sense because of time. People that don't live to love damage others but then time plays its role and life continues. I am continually astounded by human strength, by how we pick ourselves back up and keep having a life worthwhile.  Not just a life worth while but a life that means so much.

There have recently been some lives that have really impressed me and inspired me to really LIVE LIFE! Thanks!

unexpected events

It has been a season with the most unexpected events EVER. During the first day of school in September, my apartment was robbed. The bad guys completely trashed my room and stole “my” ipad. RUDE! I installed four locks on the door.  Didn’t really sleep for the month of September because I was scared. 

Tracked down my ipad (via netflix IP address) and got it back the middle of October when I was just starting to sleep at home with the lights off. I learned a lot about NYPD and now have some serious doubts about the safety that they provide but very thankful for the assistance they gave me in getting my stuff back. (even though they didn’t want to pay me for all my overtime at the police station). I also wonder why I, the client, was told “that is a really great idea” and “well, you should really give yourself a pat on the back because without you we wouldn’t have figured this crime out.” But they still refused to give me any payment. Just my stuff. But I’m thankful.

In October I turned 31 and erased some boys’ numbers from my phone.  Boys that I’ve dated or was currently dating for fun but knew it would never turn into anything long term.  I went on a few set-up dates in October with new guys. One was literally a disaster and I think it was filmed for some kind of reality TV to prove that single life is really not that bad. I said I liked chocolate and he asked if I was on my period and I changed the subject and he asked if I had adhd because “it seemed like you have a hard time staying on topic…. We were just talking about chocolate.” It pretty much went down hill from there and I pretty much wanted to die.  Two weeks later, after I had almost recovered from that date, someone (maybe the robbers…. Maybe someone new) used my debit card number to make a large purchase at home depot and emptied my checking’s account. RUDE!

It’s November and we are recovering from Hurricane Sandy. Unexpected! It pretty much devastated NYC. It is heartbreaking to see and hear all the damage it has done. It put us all at a stand still. 

New Yorkers do not know how to not be busy.  I tried to sign up for four different volunteering/relief events and all were full. The four major shelters near me posted a sign “ NO MORE HELP.” That is amazing that they have all the help they need but goes to show that as a whole we don’t do well with nothing to do….. so we do. My apartment has no TV or internet, which has nothing to do with the storm but everything to do with Verizon. So during the storm we literally listening to a radio, I knitted and baked and my roommates read and played cards, hello… it’s 1940 this week! 

But I can’t complain, I’ve been very lucky during this storm and it has not been a tragedy for me at all. It has been a week of dinner parties, hosting brunches, and just hanging out with my friends within walking or biking distance. I’m so thankful. But……I might have dug up a few phone numbers I had erased when I turned 31 and responded to a few numbers I erased but I’ll just blame that on the hurricane. I am back on track now (or as soon as life goes back to normal) I’ll be protecting my little heart and investing time in people that are only kind and deserving of my time.

And then the best unexpected thing happened….. I PASSED NATIONAL BOARDS! I can’t believe it, I was about positive I was going to have to rewrite some of it or retake exams…. But NO! I passed! No more hair loss, no more breakouts, no more stomach issues, and I am getting my life back! The best unexpected news of the season!

That is my Fall season in a nutshell! It’s been quite a little adventure these past couple months. Not all bad and not all good……. Just life. Sometimes I think “whose life am I living” or “who am I and what am I doing” and then a friend tells me, “you’re living your life and doing a really good job at it and everyone’s life has a different path.” And then I’m thankful for good friends who remind me to stay on my path.

Vermont, my Subaru, and I

It was time for an exhale. It has been a crazy little year and my mental and physical self have definitely felt the stress it. I produced more hours of writing, planning, and studying than I’ve ever done, ever, in such a condensed amount of time. It’s over. (at least for now) I can finally eat and sleep like a normal person.

So this “normal” person has just gotten back from Vermont! I drove up after Maiya’s birthday celebration on Monday. I found this cute hikers lodge right off the long trail/Appalachian trail that has door beds for $23 a night. Done. Exhale!

While I was checking in the woman, Ann, running the lodge, of course was raised in NYC and of course use to be a teacher (a kinda – meant to be moment). She told me since I was so nice and pleasant AND a NYC public school teacher she didn’t want me in the dorms. She gave me this beautiful private room with a real full size bed, which was a major improvement from the mat/foam situation in the dorms, which I noticed on my way to my upgrade.

In the morning I woke up and out my window were the Green Mountains and a lake and silence! I packed up a few things and headed to the AT for my first solo hike of my life. It went ok. Directions and staying on the trail are no problem for me. Snakes and other such things…… well, I gotta say, after eight years in the city, I’m not sure if I can get the city completely out of me, even when I’m in the woods. I may have let out a little scream when I saw the snake and might have even clapped my hands at it…. What? Who does that??!!

 After I reached the top of the mountain I may have looked around quickly (took a pic!) and noticed no one was around and realized I didn’t have a plan for more snakes or coyotes (there was a sign to “beware of coyotes” down at the trail head….. so at the top of the mountain I realized I didn’t really know what “beware” truly meant and its relationship to seeing coyotes. I was aware that they may be around me but that sign didn’t really instruct me on what to do if I saw them.  My legs were kinda shot once I got to the top of the mountain because I realized I never stopped for a break. Even so, I forced my shaky/tired legs to kinda jog/hike fast down the mountain. I was aware of coyotes and needed to make sure I got down before one of them made an appearance. (Note to self: do a little animal research before hiking alone next time)  

When I made it down (again, with no break) I felt super proud of myself. I have hiked a LOT in my life. I LOVE, LOVE hiking. I love the feeling at the top of the mountain and how good food tastes after a hike. I have never felt scared in the woods or nature. So I realized this hiking solo might take some time to get use to but it’ll be time well spent.

In the evening I went into town to get some dinner. It was called “the anchor” and I left with more friends than I went in with. A rare book collector who comes to NYC often gave me his card and invited me to attend some Greenwich village book event. The bartender gave me the history of the town and he gave me some good ideas for some more Vermont activities. I ate well and had great conversations! Dessert and tea was on the back porch of this classy café and when I was leaving the waitress in the café told me I was her favorite customer all day! A new friend!

On Wednesday I did a little trail running. (I think I felt like if I was moving fast enough I wouldn’t give myself a chance to think about the snakes and stuff…. Okay I do need to add….. normally I am not afraid of snakes and bears and stuff. It isn’t half as scary when another human body is around; it just so happened that no other human bodies were around this time)

My legs needed a serious break after trail running so I spent some time canoeing/sitting in the canoe and reading.  NICE!

I had read about a 100 mile view that just outside of town so before dinner I drove over to it and……. Breathtaking! The picture doesn’t do justice.  I just sat and stared and realized that this little world that I live in is simply amazing and how I’m thankful to have the life I have!

On my way back to town I stopped in this country Inn just to get a pamphlet cause it looked so amazing from the outside, I just had to see the inside.  Forty-five minutes later, having been given a free tour of the wine cellar, an info packet for next time, and a conversation with what I must say, was a very fine looking man. I got completely flustered when he asked who I was in Vermont with.  I lied. I said I in town with four friends and left him standing there! (who does that?? Especially when it’s a kind and good looking man in Vermont) anyway……

I walked around town and met some more new friends. I met a local artist, Jim, who was super talented and owned the local gallery and told me all about wanting to bring his work to the city but he was too insecure and nervous…… so we worked through that!!! The bookshop owner use to live in West Chester and worked in Tribeca and told me “ Vermont is a nice place to VISIT.” That was all she had to say for me to completely realize I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to leave NYC.

Dinner was at the Red Covered Inn - An outdoor grill. I ordered a half-pound of shrimp and ate it all! Washed it down with some white wine while talking to the bartender who wanted to know everything I knew about the man who eats 60 some hotdogs in Coney Island every 4^th of July. I let him know that even though I live in Brooklyn does not mean I condone everything that happens there. A couple sitting at the bar were from Connecticut and said they come to Vermont almost every weekend. By the end of dinner and drinks the woman from Connecticut had given me her phone number and told me I was welcome to come over to their country house and use their kayaks and she drew me a map. Before I left I also had a list of three other lakes to explore from the bartender who kept telling me that there was just way too much to do in just four days, I’d have to come back.

I love that in Vermont that when they say, “so much to do” they mean the number of hikes, lakes, and places to explore are the so much. I really like that.

Thursday was my day of departure. I did some canoeing and had to say my goodbye to Ann. We had spent at least an hour the night before talking about our lives and I really like her! I told her I’d come back for sure.

This year is so about living my life. After about a year and a half of putting my life back together after so many friends left NY and the time and energy I had to put into mending my broken heart, I now feel like I have my life back. It’s not perfect and it is far from what I would have expected my life to be at thirty, but I’m happy.  These are the cards I was dealt and I’m going to play them to the best of my ability!  Thanks for reading!