Music

I have been listening to a lot of music lately. It's been so fun and I feel like I am reconnecting to a very important part of me I had in B.C. (before Charlie).

B.C. was when I would go out dancing till all hours of the night and I had a million friends and listened to really loud music and laughed more than I cried. As Zach from rage would say "it's time to take the power back" and I am. I made a mix the other day called "is the winter over yet" and it features some really great songs, "Everybody learns from disaster", "After the storm", "blame it on the changes", "mean" and many more. So thanks Simon and Garfunkel, Mumford and Sons, Dashboard confessionals, and all you talented singers/songwriters out there. Music makes life just a little more manageable. And winter really is almost over now! I'm more thankful than ever.

I worked on my presentation/class that I am teaching in March at national conference out in Portland, Oregon all afternoon. I'm pretty happy with it. I still have a bunch of work to do with it but it's coming along. One of my dreams is to teach teachers how to be awesome teachers, which is why I feel like this is a step in the right direction.

Now I am on February break and I'm so happy to be getting my life back on the track I want it to be on. I am not going to let life happen to me. I am going to choose the life I want to live. Maybe that should be my new years resolution, I didn't write one this year.... but it's never too late.

Moving on and hopefully moving forward

As Ben Taylor would say "I'll be fine without you" or as Ingrid Michealson might sing, "Its time to give up on you" Jes Kruse just says, "it's done and you might live across the street and work at my job and even go to my gym but I'm in the anger stage and so it's really done"

Turns out the anger stage is so much more fun than the sad stage.

I have always had a hard time with the emotion of anger. I associate it with rage and bad things. Turns out anger is a healthy emotion and letting myself live in this stage for right now isn't bad or scary. During my sad stage after my relationship ended, I remembered all the fun times and the good times.... stuff that made me cry, daily. I have welcomed in this new stage and I think it might even save me some money in my tissue budget. I feel angry for many reasons. Things I won't post for public viewing but just trust me.... I have reasons.

I have a pretty good track record for choosing amazing and healthy people to share life with. Mistakes happen and lessons are learned.

Now I am just like........ now what?? Do I stay in NY? Do I start new? Do I move closer to friends and family? Who I can I beg to move back to NYC? Where is my focus and what am I doing?

Age does matter. When I was 25 and single I was just living life, no pressure. 29 and single is a whole new story. I hear everyone saying "jes, 29 is NOT old" and I totally agree, I just thought my life would be a little different by this age. Being 29 for New Yorkers is like being 16 in Delaware. People don't even think about growing up yet; but I am part Delawarean and part New Yorker. So it does matter to me.

Last Fall Jen and I took H&M to this Halloween festival for kids at the park near my house. There were so many parents with toddlers AND gray hair. Jen said, "are they the parents or grandparents" Come on NY...... that is a little much... even for you as a New Yorker.

So, this is where I'm at. Might as well accept it and figure it out.