Time has a way of passing. It's just this thing I can't control. (ps - I love control)
Beautiful things happen and then they are gone. No matter how amazing the moments are, we can't hold onto them for longer than they choose to stay. Horrific things happen and we are thankful they pass too. And during those moments it feels like time stands still.
I was at Easter talking to my family about who is the most intense..... levels of intensity, if you will. Dave of course won lowest level of intensity and then we rated everyone else. But I think timing has a whole lot to do with intensity. I am not so intense right now because I have had a week off from my job and have had some time to just breath! But sorry to say but this time next week....... intense!
On Friday morning I was upstate visiting Darin at his monastery. Jen, Rebecca, Haven, Mai, and little Tt all went up to see our brother/uncle. I had my head covering and long skirt and didn't talk during lunch (even when the prayers were being read in Greek and Haven asked Jen, "did that man just say yoda" and when we didn't know what the what was happening when everyone bolted out the door in some ritual walk and we were all still eating). I followed the rules of the monastery because it was time to follow them.
About nine hours after that lunch I was back in Brooklyn getting dressed to go out and celebrate my good friend Matt's birthday. I had a cute little outfit on and danced with my friends till 4 am. I could be as loud as I wanted and for sure did not have any sort of head covering on.
I had to act the part of those two situations, which couldn't have been more opposite.
And so this just makes me think.... if timing is everything, what is right around the corner, what is right now, how can I make the most of this time, right now. Cause this time is only going to pass. If it's beautiful or heart breaking or stressful or completely overwhelming.... well, it'll pass.
I was in yoga class this morning (I don't love yoga) I take yoga classes because I love running and my body needs yoga. The hour and half class felt like forever when I took it a couple weeks ago. This morning I gave myself a pep talk to not look at the clock and try to "get comfortable in uncomfortable positions" which is how my sister Jen describes yoga class. When I accepted that it will be a while that I will do things to my body that it doesn't love, the class didn't seem like forever. I tried to actually enjoy it.
It's time to accept the moments when things are uncomfortable without wishing them away and the times that are beautiful without holding on with the grip of death to try and make them last longer than they are meant to last. Accepting that there might never be a time that I don't like control but accepting that I don't have control a lot of the time.
