60 days of me

This picture is me in the middle of August in Chicago. Bekah helped me to find the strength to move on and end a relationship that was going to expire any minute. During that trip to Chicago I put myself on a 60 day plan of moving on. For 60 days I did compassion mediation for myself and kept a journal and read a book that Liz gave me called "A seeking heart". Every (or almost every) morning I did meditation and almost every night read the book and wrote in my journal. I learned about myself. I spent time thinking about me and started to learn what it means to take care of myself.

Taking care of myself has always been a million times harder than taking care of others.

It will be 60 days of caring for myself this Thursday! Of course I am going to keep caring for myself and doing what I'm doing because I'm learning a lot and I enjoy it. I am proud of myself for taking these 60 days and really looking after myself.

It has been some of the most lonely and sad days I have ever had, I'll admit. I've cried more in the last 60 days than in the last 6 years combined probably. (If you don't count when I have PMS cause I cry a lot then too)

It's been a very raw time for me. Instead of being okay and holding it together, I let myself fall apart. I think this means I am growing up. Dar Williams might say to me, Jes "you are aging well". Of course I haven't listened to much Dar cause it would make me cry more.

It's been a hell of a time but I've realized I am strong and not because everything is okay but I am strong because everything sucks right now and I am facing it and letting it hurt.

Turns out I don't even hate being alone as much as I thought.